"Feelings" After a Mistake

When kids get down on themselves after a mistake, it is about *how they feel*. Feelings CAN"T be wrong. They are what they are. You can't tell someone not to *feel* a certain way.
(Those that are married sure know what I'm talking about !:?)

What you can try to help him realize is that allowing those feelings to effect his play is not being productive. As a sophomore he is probably trying so hard to earn respect from you and his teammates that he is pressing. I agree that it would not be effective having the other players talk with him.

What he probably *feels* is, " I'm having a crummy day, I've let you and the team down, whoa is me, how will I ever be able to do anything right again, nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll eat some worms."

What we need to do is to help players get over those feelings and, as you say, toughen up. Mental toughness is just the ability to overcome obstacles and look forward to accepting a challenge. We help players turn those feelings into challenges that real
competitors truly love by teaching them to use what's called the "Power of the Big BUT" (notice the spelling!)

The word "BUT" generally *erases* everything that is said before it. Imagine telling your wife, or significant other, "I really like that outfit...BUT... about those shoes...?" She's probably going to forget the initial compliment and focus on the bad news that's coming next.

So after a mistake, players should try thinking, "I feel like I can't guard this guy, I can't make a shot, etc, etc...**BUT**, if I (*insert appropriate coaches instructions here*) then NEXT TIME....(*insert positive result here*) "

All we've done above is use the "Power of the Big BUT" for good instead of evil by putting the negative part first, *erasing it* from their mind then presenting the challenge next.

Get your players to try it. You'll be surprised at their positive outlook and improved performance