The Role of the Spectator: Class is for Everyone

 I was once fortunate enough to speak to the USA Water Polo Olympic Development Coaches at their Junior Olympics in Orange County, CA. We had a great discussion with some world-class water polo coaches about the effectiveness in embracing Gold Standard Coaching principles in developing elite competitors. Learning in a positive environment, technique changes, managing mistakes and failure, as well as creating a team culture where everyone involved is working towards a common goal.  Maybe even especially at the highest levels.

Following our discussion with the coaches, there was a very valuable session on “The Role of the Spectator”. USA Water Polo Director of Officials, Jim Cunningham, gave an informative presentation to parents and spectators about common rules and misperceptions. As in any sport, much of the vitriol directed towards officials is a result of lack of understanding of the rules and their practical applications.

Once the rules were presented I spoke on the importance of a parent and spectator giving their unconditional support and being their son, daughter, and their team’s biggest fan. We emphasized the importance of Personal Best rather than results, being positive by making deposits into Emotional Bank accounts and to always Respect the Game.

As Gold Standard Coaching says Respect the Game, Respect others, and Respect yourself. By applying the life-lessons learned thru sport, Gold Standard Competitors can really create a framework for how they live their lives – even after the ball stops bouncing (or in this case – splashing)

Perhaps most important is the respect for Self. If an individual, or an entire program, sets the highest standards for themselves and lives up to those in their performance and behavior – even when those around them fall short of that – a habit is fostered to always be at your best. That goes for competitors, coaches, and spectators. In other words, compete and support your program with class.

What is class? The best thing about coaching a long time is gathering a whole bunch of great, useful information (and some that may not be as useful too). The bad part of coaching a long time is you don’t always remember where the content came from. I came across this great essay that helps define “class”.

What is class?

It’s something that is hard to define but easy to recognize. It is being a good person, always taking responsibility and sharing consideration for the consequences your actions have for others. It’s having humility, poise, confidence, and above all, tremendous pride.

Classy programs handle victory and defeat the same way – graciously with their heads held high. They don’t brag in victory or make excuses in defeat. Class always shows whether you win or lose. If you have class, you don’t need much of anything else.

It doesn’t cost anymore or take any extra time or energy to have class. Class doesn’t make you any less a competitor, nor any less aggressive. You don’t lose your edge by having class. Class actually gives you an edge on your opponent. You have poise that will allow you to concentrate more, and by concentrating more, you’ll win more. You’ll always have an edge on your opponent because they will waste energy wondering why you have so much class, and wishing they did. And, you’ll have the crowd behind you. In a close contest, it could be the edge you need to win.

Exhibiting class is a responsibility of everyone, administrators, teachers, coaches, players, students, and parents. Everyday, everyone has the opportunity to exemplify class. Treat each other with dignity and respect, and show this to everyone, including opponents and officials. Respect must become a way of life in every program. Encourage all student-athletes to discuss issues, feelings, and frustrations by modeling appropriate behaviors. School atmosphere, attitude, and environment affect the way people behave. If those ideals are elevated to the highest levels, one of the best results will be the respect earned from others.

Everyone involved should direct their efforts to exemplify “respect and sportsmanship” as core values and beliefs.

First class means:

1. Treating others as you would like them to treat you. Be considerate of others.

2. Striving hard to be the best at what you do while taking the needs of others into consideration.

3. Showing confidence in the way you look, the way you dress, and the way you act.

4. Knowing your audience when communicating and always using appropriate language.

5. Keeping our schools neat and clean.

6. Solving our problems creatively by stopping, thinking, and discussing our actions.

7. Never making excuses. Take your lumps and learn from past mistakes.

Class is a quality that others admire because its behavior can be counted on as natural, simple, consistent, and of the highest in all human relationships; it stands the test of time.

USA Water Polo is a great organization. They realize that even great organizations can get better and were trying to get assistance in helping them do so. They even scheduled a tournament to highlight the emphasis on competing in this manner with their Rock-tober 12 & Under Classic.

USA Water Polo is an organization that clearly wants its’ participants to have class.

So should you.

(Team) Moms make the (youth sports) world go 'round

There is no better time than Mothers Day weekend to talk about the role Mothers play in youth sports, both as the matriarch of the athletic family, but also as the “Team Mom” of their child’s team in any given sport.

Many times it is the Mother that provides balance to the athletic families life and makes sure things remain in the proper perspective. Mothers often control the families schedule, and avoid over-scheduling a young players life. Unfortunately there are also many times the Mother has to “officiate” the Post Game Analysis that we should try to avoid altogether. 

The “Team Mom” has become a fixture and an integral part in the culture of sports. I suppose the more “politically correct” term now is “Team Parent” because, I suppose we now have some Fathers that also serve in this capacity of Team Administrator. I suppose if it was a college athletic program they’d probably call them the “Director of Operations”.

There are not many things that can make a youth sports coach job any easier than to have a great Team Mom. Having an administrator that organizes the snack schedule (notice what I listed first), collect money for team parties, coaches gifts, handle photo day, fundraising, and assist in facilitating communication among the families takes all of that heat off the coach and allows them to…coach!

I have had some great Team Moms that contributed to the players’ enjoyment that season, and others who left that job entirely up to me. Sometimes I held up my end of the bargain and, unfortunately, other times I fell a bit short of my own goals.

I once stumbled on a pretty good system of team organization that I now try to follow. There was a season I couldn’t get anyone to assume the many typical duties of the Team Mom, so I had to “negotiate”. Ultimately, I convinced one Mom to be in charge of all the other Moms – and have settled on this system ever since.

I now try to divide responsibilities among each of the families on the team, and put the Team Mom in charge of ensuring each of those jobs gets done. That way, everything doesn’t all fall on the Team Mom either. Sharing responsibilities creates an environment where  everyone takes a little ownership in the administration of the team. This tends to create a sense of “team” and each  family may then have a bit more of a vested interest in season. Inviting everyone to contribute also sets the stage for others to step up and be the Team Mom in subsequent years and creates a league were everyone expects to chip in, so the bulk of the work doesn’t fall on a small group of people. it als omight even inspire some to step up and become Board Members of the league down the line.

I’ve mentioned before that one of the Gold Standard Coaching tools for Making Deposits in the Emotional Banks Accounts of the players is the “Gold Standard Balance” of 5:1. This means the goal is to create a situation where each player has five times as many positive memories as they receive criticisms or corrections.

Many of the things the Team Mom takes care of contributes positively to this Gold Standard Balance. The parents have no control over how the game went and very little input on how the coaches may have handled it. During some rough days there may be more criticisms or corrections and the parents can’t do anything about it – but they can make up for it.

Years ago, my sons baseball team had a tremendous Team Mom who would take 100+ photos a game and post them on a team Facebook page by the end of the night, that she also used to communicate practices, game times, and snack schedule reminders. I remember a game my son didn’t feel he performed very well and a look at the photos “Filled His Emotional Bank” by reminding him how much fun he actually had.

Those post-game snacks, pizza parties, BBQs, photos, etc do wonders for filling players Emotional Bank Account. When players are enjoying all these fun things, it enables them to take corrections in a more positive way. Players that handle those corrections also tend to improve more than those who are playing with empty Emotional Bank Account.

All these contributions simply make the coaches job easier. Not only is there going to be a more family friendly environment in which the players are having more fun, the coaches efforts will actually be more effective. Freeing up the coaches time to actually plan a practice, handle pre-game warm ups and post game talks can only benefit the players. Rather than handling a bunch of logistics the coach can actually coach.

There are many resources for Team Moms, and parents in general, but one of the best is http://www.momsTEAM.com . Brooke De Lenche provides the site and offers information from her team of experts on navigating the world of youth sports from a parents perspective. I encourage you to visit, and bring the Dads along too. there is plenty of information, and some coaching advice that is valuable to all.

Another valuable role of the Team Mom, that can be delegated or shared, is one of the "Bank Manager" in the stands. A Gold Standard Culture involves not only the coaches and athletes, but also parents and fans. That’s where you come in. The Bank Managaer’s job is to spread the word about Gold Standard Coaching to parents and fans on the sidelines. 

Parents may have multiple children who play youth sports and they can try to do it a little better each time out. Children only have one shot at the experience and it is up to all of us, in a Gold Standard Collaboration, to hope they get it right. Team Moms are a vital member of that Collaboration.

Here is a special Mothers Day Memory to the Team Mom of Cliftons Cafeteria, 1970 Covina City Champions.

I miss you.

Here's my Mission Statement. What's yours?

To inspire people to CARE about themselves & others,THINK how what they do affects those around them,TRY their very best & avoid stress by ENJOYing everything (including the struggle) - hopefully through my example of making the effort to do each of those things as much as possible.

New blog name...same ol' CoachLok

For years I wrote and updated this blog as the Basketball4ALL Coaches Roundtable. We focused on, mostly, basketball skills, strategies, and topics while dabbling in some general coaching principles - but almost always with a hoops-centric spin. 

Since then I have transitioned into more speaking than coaching and spend my time training and consulting with leaders, coaches, parents, and players across all sports as the Director of goldstandardcoaching.com. This blog will reflect that evolution and, while still may contain basketball content, should span a variety of sports topics in my quest to help others create cultures of confident coachable competitors of character at all levels of sport.

As always, an exchange of ideas is most welcome. As I say in my @CoachLok Twitter bio - Here's what I think. What do you think?

Basketball Logic

Do we want to be easy to guard or hard to guard? Hard to guard. #Logic

Are you harder to guard when you are standing still or moving?  Moving.  Then move. #Logic

Is it easier to get open, pass or drive when it's crowded or when you have space? When you have space. So create good spacing. #Logic

Is it easier to throw short passes or long ones? Short ones. Throw short passes. #Logic

If you have good spacing, it's impossible to throw a basketball pass too hard. How hard should we throw it? As hard as we can. #Logic

If a teammate is open, what should we do? Throw them the ball. #Logic

Are you sure a teammate will be open later? NO. So Who should you throw the ball to? The 1st open man.  #Logic

Is the ball in the air longer if you wait for it, or come and meet it? When you wait. Don't wait. Meet the pass. #Logic

Is it easier to catch a ball with one hand or two. Two. Then catch  the ball with two hands. #Logic

Once you catch it, can you run with the ball or do you have to stop? You have to stop. So be on balance, and stop #Logic

Why would a teammate throw you the ball? You were open. So do something with it. #Logic

If you're open, it's a shot your supposed to take, and you're in your range, what should you do? Shoot it. #Logic

If you're going to shoot it, shoot it the way that gives you the best balance, vision and rhythm. #Logic

Do you shoot better when you're on or off balance. On balance. So be on balance #Logic

Do you make more shots when you're open or guarded? Open. So work to get open shots. #Logic

Is it easier to make short shots, or long ones? Short ones. Take short shots. #Logic

If you could shoot or pass-you would have. Maybe you need to go somewhere you're supposed to. So get there. #Logic 

Why dribble? Go somewhere you're supposed to. Improve a passing angle if you need to. Escape pressure if you have to. #Logic 

If you're not open for a shot your supposed to take, continue with #Basketball #Logic. The right shot will find the right player at the right time.

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"Magical" Steps to Creating Confident and Coachable Players

The brain registers 20,000 snap-shots (memories) every day. Those memories will be filed as either positive or negative memories. Positive memories make depositis into our Emotional Bank Accounts while negative memories will drain it. When people (and players specifically) feel better due to full E-Banks they have a more positive attitude. When we are more positive, we are more open to ideas, more optimistic, and will work harder…with the emotional energy to deal with setbacks. More confident…and more coachable based on how we categorize our memories.
I’ve mentioned in previous posts one of the key principles in the Gold Standard Coaching philosophy is to deposit into the Emotional Bank Accounts of the players. The principle is based on trying to achieve the “Magic Ratio” of five positives for every criticism or correction. There is plenty of research to support this ratio in athletics, as well as academics, business, and even relationships or marriage.
Five to one seems like a daunting task to many coaches at first glance, but with some effort is very achievable. We must critique, but do it in such a way that the player is being taught – not scolded. Remember Coach Wooden’s line about taking the time to teach implies confidence, and in some ways that is a tank-filler.
I broke down the statistics on Coach Wooden’s acts of coaching his final year at UCLA. In 1975 Tharp and Gallimore found that 83% of his words and actions were either positive or contained information designed to teach – almost exactly 5 to 1.
This Magic-Ratio is not necessarily 5:1 every play, every day, and not just what you say. Not five warm and fuzzies and one pice of coaching. It is rather the total experience the athlete recieves during their participation on the team. This ratio is achieved by not only what you say, and what you do (nonverbals), but also whatever you provide that will create a positive memory.
What other kind of things can we do as coaches, or parents, to provide positive memories for a child? Things we do like recognition, pictures, videos, awards, nice uniforms, fields, facilities and the like all provide a positive memory that boosts Emotional Bank Accounts.

Remember when we said we wanted to “control the controllables”? There are just some things we can't control that will drain our tank and we can't do anything about them. But we can make up for them.
As a coach, when things go bad or after a tough loss we often tend to over-analyze, correct, and drain our players’ tanks even more. That is the time when we need to do our job and try to make up for that.
I was speaking to the athletic staff at Loyola University of Chicago and Brandon Eitz, the Women’s Soccer Coach, said his team comes to practice every day because of deficiencies in their facilities at the time. He said, “...and I can’t do anything about that right now…so I need to make up for it!
The other very important point about the Magic Ratio, is it is not just the coaches job, but everyone involved: the teammates, parents, fans, all can contribute. As a parent, if the coach has been particularly tough on the players that day, deserved or not, we can’t do anything about that – but we can make up for it.
It is important to encourage teammates to pitch in with positive communication. GSC suggests using the “Buddy System”. Players can partner up with a teammate and spend that day praising their teammate for everything they do well, and their partner can do the same for them. This get’s players to pay attention, think about what’s right and wrong – AND communicate in a positive manner. That only leads to a better practice.
When discussing player-to-player relationships, I like to talk about “The Golden Rule X 2”. Everyone knows “The Golden Rule” is "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." Good teammates say good things to other teammates. “The Golden Rule X 2” states not to say anything to yourself that a good teammate wouldn’t say to you.
We all have that voice of judgment that, at times, say’s we’re not good enough. That negative self-talk is detrimental to a players’ confidence – and sometimes it’s the biggest culprit. So how do we fight that feeling?
The first step is to recognize that it is just that – a feeling. Most negative self-talk is not true, but the feeling is very real. We talk about “The Power of the Big But.” Yes – that is with ONE “T” not two.
The word “but” makes us think in a way that devalues everything that is said before it. “That was a good paper, but…”, “That is a nice outfit, but…, or “That was a good play, but…” all make us put more importance on what is said next.
 When players’ say to themselves, “I can’t guard that girl” or I can’t block that guy” they probably really can, they just “feel’ like they can’t. So we are going to use “The Power of the Big But” for good instead of evil to give our confidence a shot in the arm.
Since the word “but” erases what is before it, get them to think about the negative as a feeling first. Then insert the big but. “I feel like I can’t (whatever the doubt is)…BUT...(insert the specific coaches instruction here). It might sound like this “I feel like I can’t guard that girl BUT if I stay in stance and pick good angles, I can contain her!”
Essentially, as William James said, “If you want a quality, act as if you already had it.” In a New York Times article “First Step in Becoming a Winner: Act Like One” it says,

It’s a method — a learned skill for convincing your mind that you already are what you want to become. The body follows where the mind leads.
“Act as if you’re a great shooter,” she would instruct. “Act as if you love the drill. Act as if when you hit the deck it doesn’t hurt.” Negativity, even in the form of body language, was not tolerated.

It’s basically a decision. If I’m tired, Act As If I’m not. If I’m hot, decide it’s not going to bother me. If my confidence is shaken, “Fake it til you make it.” Coachability is, in large part, a decision too.
To be coachable a player must open their mind to help and accept they don’t know everything and be willing to listen and do what your coach says. Be able to accept criticism and not get “defensive” every time someone suggests something different is a decision. Being patient and in it for the long haul, not expecting or demanding quick results. Endure the plateaus, the highs and lows, mistakes and setbacks and be mentally tough.
Many people have tried to define “toughness” and I believe it is entirely a mental decision. Toughness is "The ability to mentally focus on, and physically execute, the ONE single thing that's MOST important right NOW!" (Remember What’s Important Now?) Players who are mentally tough are confident they attend to the task at hand and embrace the challenge.
When a Coach strives to reach that Gold Standard of Coaching they help there players build their confidence, put them in a coachable state of mind by fostering the mental toughness necessary to be a Gold Standard Teammate.
If we expect our players to try to be good teammates, listen and try to learn, and give their best effort then we need to work as hard as he expects them to, show that we are knowledgeable, and care about them on and off the court
. We need to acknowledge their efforts and make all players feel like an important piece of the puzzle.
I came across a great piece I adapted for my teams when I sensed some players were questioning their contributions to the team:

 YoX are a ValXable
Even thoXgh my compXter is a beat-Xp, rXndown, and Xgly model, when I Xse it, it works wonderfXlly - oXtside of one key. YoX woXld think that with all the other keys fXnctioning sXitably, one key slipping Xp and not working woXld hardly be noticed, bXt jXst one key oXt of whack seems to rXin the whole effort.
YoX may say to yoXrself, “I’m jXst one gXy. No one will notice if I don’t pXt forth my very best.” BXt it does make a difference, becaXse  a groXp mXst Xnderstand that throXgh every individXal giving their very best is how yXu Xltimately achieve sXccess.
So the next time yoX think yoX are not valXable, remember my old compXter. YoX ARE  crXcial to our sXccess!
THE ONLY THING MISSING IS U

When we can create an environment where it is fun to try, without the fear of failure, kids will begin to give us a little better effort every day. And it doesn't really change much as they get older.
In an interview a few years ago with the Washington State basketball team’s point guard, Derrick Lowe. Lowe was asked why they were having such a great season after being picked last in the Pac 10 preseason poll. The legendary coach Dick Bennett had just retired, and the job was passed to his son, Tony. Both are GREAT coaches. He said, "Last year we tried to play hard because we were afraid of what would happen if we didn't. This year we are playing hard because it's a little more fun, and we are not as afraid of making a mistake."
Just last weekend Frank Gore, of the surprising San Francisco 49ers, was asked the difference in the locker room between this year under Jim Harbaugh and last year’s team who struggled under Mike Singletary, both former Chicago Bear teammates. Gore replied, “instead of being told how BAD we were, we are told WE CAN DO IT"
Whether it is Youth Sports, High School, or Pro, the player needs the coach to help them with their confidence and put the player in a “coachable” state of mind. I know all coaches want confident and coachable players, so it’s in their best interest to meet that Gold Standard of Coaching to maximize the players improvement on the climb to their personal best.
 

The Mortar

If you are a frequent visitor to this site you are quite familiar with John Wooden's Pyramid of Success. The "Pyramid" may be the most complete description of what individuals need to strive for in their pursuit of success, which Coach Wooden defines as, "peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming."

Interesting that Coach feels you should look at success, not as something concrete you achieve or attain like a championship or certain status, but simply by being "at peace with your efforts." Coach spent years trying to decide what qualities individuals must possess if they are really going to give their very best effort. This became "The Pyramid"

Many people are able to rattle off the fifteen "Blocks" of the Pyramid. The Cornerstones of Industriousness and Enthusiasm with Friendship, Cooperation, and Loyalty making up the rest of the Foundation. Self-Control, Intentness, Alertness, and Initiative make up the second tier while Condition, Team Spirit and Skill are at the Heart of the Pyramid. The above qualities may help someone develop Poise and Confidence and a person who possesses all of those qualities may achieve Competitive Greatness.

While I believe Coach Wooden was looking, primarily, at an individual's success - this also can apply to a team or organizations pursuit of that peace of mind. Different people in the group may exhibit some of those qualities in a more developed manner. I believe that as you are creating your team, this is important to keep this in mind. Someone, maybe multiple someones, need to fill each of these roles in order for the group to approach success.

However, what I really want to spend some time on is an oft-overlooked and under-rated part of John Wooden's Pyramid of Success. In addition to the qualities the Blocks represent, Coach also felt there were a series of necessary traits that, I think, may help develop and maintain the qualities of the Pyramid to an even greater extent. Wooden calls these ten traits "The Mortar" of the Pyramid. Mortar is what holds together any structure, and without it even the strongest materials (the Blocks) could fall apart. We should all concentrate on working on these traits, to solidify the work we do on developing the blocks of the Pyramid.

The Pyramid is held together by Sincerity and properly focused Ambition. There are plenty of people who are ambitious, but who choose to cut corners or bend the rules in a belief that the end justifies the means. Sincerity with others as well as a Honesty, in all ways, should guide ones' ambition. Achievement attained any other way, is not really much of an achievement at all.

On any journey there is bound to be obstacles to overcome and adjustments to the game plan. One of Coach Wooden's (and my) favorite quotes is "Things work out best for those that make the best of the way that things work out." In order to fully embrace this philosophy one must have tremendous Adaptability and Resourcefulness in any situation.

In any of those cases an individual must continue to Fight, but it is important to fight with Integrity. Do the right thing because it's the right thing to do and show some Reliability. When others depend on you, as teammates depend on each other, that reliability is what builds trust. This trust allows each individual to do their job, because they know the other member  will do his. When that breaks down on either side, there is a subconscious (and sometimes conscious) tendency to not live up to one end of the bargain.

The two most emphasized traits in "The Mortar" are Patience and Faith. Anything worth being successful at does not come easy and will take time to build. It is impossible to get there without these two traits. Patience and Faith does not mean just sitting back and letting things happen. Generally those are the people that end up asking, "What just happened"?

Patience and Faith are both active processes. Patience is progressing at the appropriate rate, and not trying to get somewhere too soon. Often people are in such a hurry to achieve  "success" they try to rush. It is vital to go through the proper progression and at the proper rate. e prepared for when the time comes, but don't rush to get there before being prepared. This is probably one of the most common reasons for failure in any group, team, organization or business. Too many people think, "God grant me patience...but I want it NOW!"

I believe that Faith is pretty close to the "peace of mind" John Wooden pursues in trying to attain success. When someone knows they are giving their best effort to do the things they need to be doing, it's much easier to have faiththat will happen. If an individual is doing those two things they must understand that things will work out about as they should.

This is true in life, and on the scoreboard. Absolutely believing in this, is having Faith.

TIME

People all around the world have different lives, different, jobs, different cars, different homes - but we all have one thing the same and that is TIME. Every day- everyone has the same amount of time. 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day. 86,400 seconds. How those 86.400 seconds are used often defines our lives. If you've been reading often you know I'm an old John Wooden disciple, so get ready for some "Wooden-isms". One of Coach Wooden's most famous quotes is,"Don't mistake activity for achievement." Many folks get caught up in going, going, going and "appear" really busy. Often times those people are in a a hurry - and we all know to "Be Quick - but Don't Hurry". I See people rushing around all the time because they are in one of two extremes. They either lack planning or preparation and "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail." And "if you don't have time to do it right - when are you going to find the time to do it over?" At times people are at the other extreme where they micro-manage and work far harder than they need to. The key, sometimes, is to work smarter not harder, and that often involves organization. At times it is important in the organization process to just stop and think. Take the time to develop your thoughts and plan accordingly. Slowing down to think makes some people uncomfortable because they feel like they aren't doing something. Many times when I'm reading, browsing, or even "tweeting" I'll be asked what I'm doing. I do those things because I like to know stuff. I guess formally they'd call that learning and education. That accumulation of knowledge, while folly to some, is preparation to me. I'm not always sure what - but I have faith that someday - that knowledge, however trivial it may seem, may come in handy at some point and I want to be prepared for that. Abe Lincoln said

"Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe."

I look at these times simply as "sharpening the axe". If more people spent time "sharpening the axe" it might be easier to "chop down their tree". Metaphorically speaking, of course. So we need to train ourselves to accept the fact that just thinking is good. There have been plenty of recent studies that show this may be your most productive time.One of the most oft-repeated quotes comes from Bill Bradley, star NBA guard for the Knicks and American Politician who quoted in his book Values of the Game,

Somewhere someone is practicing. If you're not and you meet them in competition, all other things being equal, you will lose!

I’m wondering if MAYBE the following statement is just as true...

Somewhere, someone is resting and recovering. That will revitalize them to the point when they take the court again, they will work harder, longer, and with more focus . This periodization of training leads to a more productive practice regimen. And when and you meet them in competition, all other things being equal, you will lose! --Coach Lok

I think the same thing applies to our work and our everyday lives. The key may be to look at work just like training. You can't go 100% all the time. There needs to be some "periodization" involved. So whatever you're doing, whether it's working, recovering, or "sharpening the axe" - do so with a purpose. And put all 86,400 seconds to good use.

"If you can fill the unforgiving minute, With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it..." --Rudyard Kipling's "IF"

How we "fill the unforgiving minute..." always reminds me of the wonderful poem "The Dash" by Linda Ellis which she eloquently describes as the little line between the date of someones birth and the date their death which represents all that has happened between...how that life has been lived.. You'll enjoy spending some time watching "The Dash movie" too. What are we going to do to make sure our "dash" represents what we want it to? It's good to think about what we want our dash to represent, and what we are going to do to ensure that happens. Set some goals, work to achieve them - then if you"re derailed, keep plugging away without being discouraged. "Now" just may not be the time. I remember a comic strip, I think it was Frank & Ernest, where one of them was praying and said "God, how long is a million years? "A voice from above said, "To me, it’s about a minute." The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars? "The voice bellowed, "To me, its just a penny. "In the next frame the man smiled and asked, "God, can I have a penny? " God answered, "In a minute." I think of this all the times when something doesn't seem to be happening on MY schedule or as fast as I want it to. In the coaching profession so many coaches are looking for that next job, or how to "move up". Life's not always on OUR schedule. Keep working. Do the right thing. Make the big time wherever you are. Be patient. Have faith. An often overlooked feature of John Wooden's Pyramid of Success are the sides of the Pyramid - which is the mortar that holds the 15 blocks together. Notice the mortar at the top of the Pyramid is "Patience" and "Faith" Stay tuned for next month when we'll discuss the "mortar" that holds the Pyramid of Success together. Until then..be patient.

Positive Parent Involvement

Coaches often look at parents as a potential problem in a program - and they can be if you let them, but they can also be your biggest resource. When you communicate and can get them on your side, there is no stopping the places you an go. Laying out expectations early on and getting the parents to "buy into" your system is a major step in creating a Positive culture where everyone is working towards a common goal to improve the program.

There are far too many potential jobs or duties to run a successful team, and that can become burdensome for any coach or staff. Convincing parents the value of assisting in these responsibilities creates some ownership and much can more can be accomplished. At worst, it will follow the old adage, "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer".

I like to take all the potential duties and find something every family can contribute to. For example, on a youth baseball team of twelve players, you could have: 1)Manager 2) Assistant Coach 3) Assistant Coach 4)Scorekeeper 5) Pitch Count 6) Team Mom 7)Snack Schedule 8)Fundraising  9)Team Photos 10)Team Parties 11)Field Maintenance  12)Field Maintenance. When everyone pitches in and pulls a little bit of weight there becomes a much greater sense of camaraderie. This togetherness trickles down to the players and can only help.

As a parent, be involved in a positive way. Attend your child’s games as often as you can. Cheer for all the kids on the team.  If you’re not sure how to help, ask the coach. There are a bunch of ways to be a good team member and a good parent at the same time. Help with fund raising. Assist with logistics. When the larger definition of team is working well, the experience can be wonderful for everyone involved. People who see your program in action will want to be a part of it. Parents looking ahead to when their child will be old enough to participate at that level will want to fit in and help. This kind of teamwork perpetuates itself. Once it gets momentum, it can be quite a force. It just takes parents who care...and a coach who enables them by getting that momentum started.
Please don’t talk bad about the coach in front of your child. The worst thing a parent can do is take pot shots at the coach, criticizing decisions, and complaining about his leadership. Support the coach and stand behind his decisions.

Don’t blame the coach for your child’s problems or lack of playing time. Your child´s struggles to succeed are your child’s problems. Let him work them out without your interference. A player has every right to ask a coach what needs to be done to earn more playing time, for example. But a parent stepping in to demand playing time is another thing altogether.

One of the biggest lessons we can give our children is empowering them to Have an adult conversation with a figure of authority about something in which they disagree. Not a "whiney/I didn't get my way" kind of conversation, but a mature one that presents a concern, discusses the problem, and ultimately accepts the answer or decision.

If a player is not prepared to have that conversation, prepare them with a little role-play. Then send them to the coach to have the conversation. If they still don't want to have that conversation it may just be more important to us than it is to them.

Please don’t harass the refs. Parents that loudly harass the referee are embarrassing to the player and the team. When a parent makes a spectacle of himself at a game, the player is embarrassed. If the ref is being yelled at by a parent for a bad call (by definition, a bad call is any decision made against the parent’s child), what does the player learn? He learns that the mistake wasn’t his fault. It was the result of poor officiating. This is a bad habit to get into. Don´t encourage your child to place the blame for their failures upon others. One of the benefits of playing sports is learning to accept responsibility instead of making excuses. Sometimes a call is hard to take for whatever reason. Such times are tests of emotional control. If a player can learn to bite his lip and move on, a parent can learn to sit quietly for a moment and let the emotion pass. Learning to cope with disappointment is a valuable life skill.

Please don’t razz the other team’s players. The other team's players should be considered off limits. Yelling at or deriding someone else’s child is a shameful practice for an adult at a sporting event. Parents who intend to disrupt, distract or upset players exhibit the worst of poor sportsmanship.
Here are some guidelines for parents to give their children who participate in sports. Three simple rules: First, once you start, you finish. Do not allow your children to quit a team for any reason (oth than personal or psychological safety). It may feel good at the time, but quitting has a long standing effect.  Second, the coach’s decision is final. Do not intercede or interfere whether you like a decision or not. Third, teach the player do whatever it takes to make the team successful. Personal glory pales in relationship to team success.

The following  guidelines are adapted from Positive Coaching: Building Character and Self-Esteem Through Sports by Jim Thompson, the founder and leader of the Positive Coaching Alliance.

Coach-Parent Partnership
Research is clear that when parents and teachers work together a child tends to do better in school. There is no reason to think that it is any different in youth sports. The following are some guidelines for how parents can contribute to a Coach/Parent Partnership that can help the athlete have the best possible experience.

Recognize the Commitment the Coach Has Made: For whatever reason, you have chosen not to help coach the team. The coach has made a commitment that involves many, many hours of preparation beyond the hours spent at practices and games. Recognize his commitment and the fact that he is not doing it because of the pay! Try to remember this whenever something goes awry during the season.

Make Early, Positive Contact with the Coach: As soon as you know who your child’s coach is going to be, contact her to introduce yourself and let her know you want to help your child have the best experience she can have this season. To the extent that you can do so, ask if there is any way you can help. By getting to know the coach early and establishing a positive relationship, it will be much easier to talk with her later if a problem arises.

Fill the Coach's Emotional Tank: When the coach is doing something you like, let him know about it. Coaching is a difficult job and most coaches only hear from parents when they want to complain about something. This will help fill the coach’s emotional tank and contribute to his doing a better job. It also makes it easier to raise problems later when you have shown support for the good things he is doing. And just about every coach does a lot of things well. Take the time to look for them.

Don't Put the Player in the Middle: Imagine a situation around the dinner table, in which a child"s parents complain in front of her about how poorly her math teacher is teaching fractions. How would this impact this student’s motivation to work hard to learn fractions? How would it affect her love of mathematics? While this may seem farfetched, when we move away from school to youth sports, it is all too common for parents to share their disapproval of a coach with their children. This puts a young athlete in a bind. Divided loyalties do not make it easy for a child to do her best. Conversely, when parents support a coach, it is that much easier for the child to put her wholehearted effort into learning to play well. If you think your child"s coach is not handling a situation well, do not tell that to the player. Rather, seek a meeting with the coach in which you can talk with her about it.

Don't Give Instructions During a Game or Practice: You are not one of the coaches, so do not give your child instructions about how to play. It can be very confusing for a child to hear someone other than the coach yelling out instructions during a game. As in #4 above, if you have an idea for a tactic, go to the coach and offer it to him. Then let him decide whether he is going to use it or not. If he decides not to use it, let it be. Getting to decide those things is one of the privileges he has earned by making the commitment to coach.

Fill Your Child's Emotional Tank: Perhaps the most important thing you can do is to be there for your child. Competitive sports are stressful to players and the last thing they need is a critic at home. Be a cheerleader for your child. Focus on the positive things she is doing and leave the correcting of mistakes to the coach. Let her know you support her without reservation regardless of how well she plays.

Fill the Emotional Tanks of the Entire Team: Cheer for all of the players on the team. Tell each of them when you see them doing something well.

Encourage Other Parents to Honor the Game: Don"t show disrespect for the other team or the officials. But more than that, encourage other parents to also Honor the Game. If a parent of a player on your team begins to berate the official, gently say to them, "Hey, that"s not Honoring the Game. That"s not the way we do things here."

For more tips from Positive Coaching Alliance, visit http://www.positivecoach.org/our-tools/tools-for-parents/

This Coach-Parent Partnership is not a one way street by any stretch of the imagination. It is not only parents who need to give.  Many coaches, I believe, view this partnership as an adversarial relationship from the start and try to minimize communication - which may be the worst thing to do.
All too often, the root of all problems becomes discussions over playing time, and coaches try to avoid this conversation like the plague. I like to re frame that conversation from "why isn't my son/daughter playing" to "what can my son/daughter improve on so they can earn more playing time".  I'll have that conversation any day.

We talk all the time as a staff about coaching the way we would want our son or daughter to be coached. We call this "Parenting the Program". We would expect the coach, first and foremost, to be fair. We would want the coach to display patience and understanding with our child and the team. We want to be clear and concise in how we teach, giving the player the know-how to perform, and then help them towards improvement, while encouraging them all the way and Relentlessly Rewarding Desired Effort.

Most of all we want to treat the player with the same respect that we ask of them. Scold and discipline when necessary, but re-teach and praise immediately following. We never want a player to leave the gym with a negative impression of how the coaches feel about them. We all would like to win (PCA's first goal), but as a Double-Goal Coach we need to recognize the self-esteem and life lessons our players are learning (the second goal) are far more important.

Every Sports Parent should consider the  obligation of being a Second-Goal Parent an d focus on the life-lessons your child is learning. Leave the winning and performance up to the players and coaches.  Remember, even if we have the worst coach on the worst team and finish with the worst record - it can still be a positive and productive season if we focus on the life-lessons learned. Prior to next season take a look at this Parent Pledge, committing to the supportive behavior of a Second-Goal Parent. Be a Culture Keeper and contribute to the positive environment that every child deserves when they play sports. We're all in this together.

THE POST-GAME HANDSHAKE

The "Post-Game Handshake" has come under a lot of fire recently due to some confrontations, poor acts of sportsmanship, disrespect, or simply the percieved lack of sincerity in the process. Some organizations and leagues have discussed and/or actually eliminated the practice. A nice discussion started on Twitter after my friend @ClarenceGaines2 shared that @CoachFinamore had called into a show on the topic by @HeyCoachTony on his show, aptly named, "Hey Coach Tony"

Coach Tony, whose show originates from Conneticut, provided an opportunity for my friend Steve Finamore, a successful high school basketball coach at East Lansing High School in Michigan and opened the door for discussion with a couple guys from SoCal. How great is Twitter? Their premise that handshakes have become meaningless, empty gestures and create an opportunity for some conflict isI actually one I largely agree with agree with. However...

The fact that a situation creates a potential conflict is not reason enough to outlaw  it, but rather creates another teachable moment we can use to allow another life lesson to be learned. It takes a certain amount of character to do your best, fall a little short and congratulate the victor with dignity and grace - even when you are disappointed and may not feel like it. This doesn't happen only in athletics, this happens in life. Whether it's who got an "A" in a class, won the talent show, made  the big sale, got the job promotion, or even when a decision doesn't go your way after a good debate.

Network TV is full of reality shows that are competition based like the talent driven "American Idol" and "X-Factor" or shows where a winner is chosen, such as "The Apprentice" or even "The Bachelor". Producers apparently feel it is good TV to zoom in on the losers and every time I see one who is irrate, disrespectful, or devasted to tears,  I think to myself, "that person must not have played sports". What a valuable lesson can be learned to help the player quickly recover from setbacks.

Players need to learn to accept the fact that, while it is often much more fun to win, it is entirely possible to be dissappointed in a result, but proud of your efforts. When a player can face the fact that the gave their best Effort, executed what they've learned, and managed Mistakes - yet still came up short - they have done all they could do. This recognition can deaden some of the sting in a difficult loss, but the point must be consistently reinforced by all those involved - teammates, parents, and coaches.

The reality is that if you have done all those things, and the opponent was still able to defeat you...they must be pretty darn good and deserving of your respct. By congratulating them, you are reallycongratulating yourself by telling them that they must have had to really "bring it" that day if they were going to beat you.

Think about what the disappointment and tears after a loss really means. It's not a stretch to understand they come from the exact same place in your soul as tears of joy. All of the work that caused you to care so much that makes losing so difficult is something a player should be really proud of. All that work must have created a whole lot of joy along the way while you were preparing to play that game. There usually is not great dissappointment after a loss until players have endured the real rigors of preparation to compete that day and have felt the great thrill of victory at some point in the past.

Instead of eliminating "the Post-Game Handshake" because of a potential conflict or the"empty gesture" that it often is,  Double-Goal Coaches should work towards filling this moment with meaning, rather than simply participating in a well intentioned ritual of sportsmanship.

I'm always very impressed with Roy Williams and Mike Kzryzewski who consistently appear to have very sincere comments to opposing coaches and certain players after their games, win or lose. There are some coaches who might need to follow their lead and be a bit more sincere as well. If coaches can learn to exercise this practice, certainly players can too.

Athletes should be taught to always pay attention to what their opponents are doing during the competition, as that helps them strive to compete their very best. If a player can recognize ane remember  positive aspects of an opponents play, that is precisely what they should  appreciate the foe during the Post-Game Handshake. A simple, truthful and specific statement to an opposing player after the game to acknowledge good shooting, nice pitching, or great hustle is honoring your opponent's good efforts. I know players would be honored if an opponent said that about them, so do unto others...

In several of our Positive Coaching Alliance Workshops we show a famous picture of Aaron Afflalo helping up a distraught Adam Morrison after a game. UCLA had just come back from  a 16pt deficit to win in the final seconds, ending Morrison's career and catapulting UCLA into the Final Four.

It always amazes me that at that precise moment in time, the rest of the Bruins were celebrating in a dogpile and getting ready to cut down the nets. Rather than joining in the celebration,  in the great display of respect, Afflalo stopped to help his fallen foe. 

The intesting thing about respect is it is earned, not just given. By competing in such a way that makes an impression on your opponent,  a player is much more likely to get that same respect back. Afflalo and Morrison battled for the entire game, and possibly several times earlier in their career. They had earned each others respect.

The other aspect involved is showing some  compassion and empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It is much easier for an individual to win with grace when they have also experienced losing with dignity. For that reason we need to take special care in not "protecting" our players from losing by arranging for them to be on certain teams, or jumping from a team that struggles to another that wins. There are plenty of great lessons that come from losing...if we manage them properly.

It turns out that I know for a fact that Afflalo understood and was able to share Morrison's feelings. A couple years earlier Afflalo was a great high school player competing for a championship in an early game at the Anaheim Pond. It was a tremendous game with several lead changes, a last second shot to go into overtime, which was ultimately lost be Afflalos team. I personally witnessed him handling the defeat then with as much class as he handled their victory a couple year later.

I was present at that game because we were scheduled to play for our divisions championship next. We had just upset the #1 seed, Artesia, and our opponent, Palm Desert, had knocked off the #2 seed in the semis. Palm Desert was coached by a very good friend of mine,  Don Brady, who I served with on the Executive Board of the Southern California Interscholastic Basketball Coaches Association for several years.

Our children were around the same age and as they were kids growing up Don coached his kids, as I coached mine. We often discussed their progress as student-athletes and the trials and tribulations of being "Coach-Dad".  My son had just graduated and I had the fortune to coach him in high school. Now Don was living that dream with his son, Donald Jr, in a championship game.

Donald Jr, was the starting shooting guard, had a great basketball IQ, and was the ultimate "coaches kid." he had the best game of all his teammates that day but, fortunately for me,  we played a great "Fourth Quarter in March" and pulled away for the first California Interscholastic Federation Championship in our schools history.

While my guys met at mid-court and I was congratulating my staff...I thought of Don. While we were experiencing the "Thrill of Victory" he was feeling the "Agony of Defeat". I had been in his shoes as the Runner-Up twice before and knew exactly how he felt. So I cut the celebration a bit short and proceeded to start the "Post-agame Handshake Line"

Don and I exchanged congratulations, because they had a magical season too.  When I reached Donald Jr I stopped and explained what a special year it was for him and his Dad, something he's been dreaming about since you were in the 3rd grade and a time they should never forget. He got just a bit more "misty" but we exchanged hugs and moved on to the next person in line.

In an interesting turn of events, he went to University of of Redlands and was classmates with my daughter. They became both played basketball, became great friends and he was actually a teammate and roommates with her future husband. The topic of our game would come up periodically and he told them he was handling the loss just fine until that point in the handshake line. But it was a special moment none-the-less.

I still watch my own son, who has become a college assistant coach, in handshake lines. When the game ends I am tansfixed to his exchanges with opposing coaches and players and am proud at how he manages that situation, win or lose. I see the progression from Hand Slap to Hand Shake to Hand Shake plus a Shoulder Slap to Hand Shake and a "Bro-Hug or all the way to the full man hug when you feel the ultimate respect.

I currently see this practice of respect in many handshake lines among a few players that are particular standouts, friends, or with opponents who they may have been matched up against each other at some point in the contest. However, players can be even more diligent in their observations of all players and, if if nothing else to say comes to mind - thank them! 

Without  an opponent we couldnt play the game, and a quality opponent is a special gift. Nothing is better than a close, hard-fought game. However, those are also the games that get the most tense and, at times, lead to players being disappointed, upset, angry, and holding grudges...which makes the handshake difficult. But in reality, those are the kind of games Triple-Impact Competitors really love to play in. So at the very least solid  eye-contact, a firm handshake, accompanied by a sincere "Thank You!" might truly be in order.

TWELVE WEEKS OF BASKETBALL CHRISTMAS

I always get players (and coaches) asking for how they can improve any number of different skills or strategies. Everybody`s "wish list" is a little different -some are thoughtful and some are...interesting. Players usually want to know how to increase their vertical, or dunk in no time flat. Rarely do they ask how to execute a proper jump stop, bounce pass, or mid range jump shot off the glass. Some coaches want that one drill or play that will turn their team into championship contenders. It's good to add drills and plays to your arsenal - as long as we don`t forget to simply teach players HOW to play.The amazing thing about the game of basketball is that there are NO short cuts. Your daily efforts are what lead to positive results.

It`s different than Christmas. There is nothing "magical" that is going to happen one day, nothing that is going to show up under your Christmas tree that will make you instantly better. Santa Claus is not going to bring you an amazing vertical or a pure jump shot. Kris Kringle will not make your team a group of turnover free, tenacious defenders. There is no one tip or one special play that will make a player or team instantly better. Just hard work and repetitions with a specific goal in mind. Over and over again. The right way. With positive coaching feedback and NO slippage. Practice makes perfect? Or the quest for perfect practice makes perfect? Mistakes, failures, and setbacks will occur, how you manage those mistakes determine your progress.

In keeping with the Spirit of Christmas I thought I`d leave you with a little song, sung to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas"

Marriage is Like Basketball

"Marriage, and life, is like basketball.
You need to develop a game plan.
And try to give your very best effort every day.









Have patience...but not too much...
Sometimes you need to take time out to talk.
Then make some adjustments.

Manage your mistakes and deal with setbacks.
Then come back the next day even more determined.
But most of all you need to care enough to make the commitment.

Each and every day.
To yourself...and your teammate,
To be selfless enough to do your very best
To try and never let them down.


All these lessons you learned through basketball
Will help you while you move forward
In life... as Husband and Wife."

- - Ray Lokar, as Father of the Bride
in Toast to Mr. & Mrs. Dave Thomas

Congratulations to Heather and Dave!

September 24, 2011